For most of Monday, the following hashtag was trending in the United States:
@JDun1989, the guy who started the hashtag, probably should’ve paid more attention in class as the grammatically correct way of putting it is “When I See AN Obama bumper sticker.”
Anyway, the point of the trending topic was to yuck it up with tweets like “I know they are a dirty liberal! lolololol.” Now there is plenty you can criticize Obama for, whether you are on the left or the right, but it became quite clear where this hashtag was going once these tweets started rolling in…
Hmmm. These tweets are incredibly specific in terms of it’s descriptions pertaining to certain racial stereotypes.
“Oh, come on Mr. Public Shaming Tumblr blog. You’re trying to see racism and it’s just not there. I think you’re overreaching!”
I’m not but don’t worry! There were a few *brave* souls who wanted to make it very clear…
Yup. These #WhenISeeAObamaBumperSticker tweets? Totally not racist. Totally.
Listen, I realize everyone has their own ways to deal with tragedy. I’m definitely not one to say “this is not time to politicize.” Everything is political and everything that happens within our government has an impact on how we live with our every day lives. For example, it is most definitely OK to make the relevant observation that the federal government will thankfully provide aid and relief to the poor victims of today’s massive tornadoes in Oklahoma meanwhile Oklahoma US Senators Tom Coburn and Jim Inhofe had voted against federal relief and aid for Hurricane Sandy victims.
I’m also not one who gets up in arms when people crack a wise ass remark. However, it takes a special kind of asshole to see that children are among the casualties and then somehow compare an unpreventable natural disaster to, say, a school shooting…
To those who may not understand what they’re getting at, it’s OK. Because they know exactly who to suck up to to get a pat on their head and a “good boy!”
And sometimes we’ll even be blessed with this sort of intellectual observation from pundits like Fox News contributor Erick Erickson!
Because a “scandal” in which the IRS looked into Tea Party groups to see if they fit the criteria for tax exemption is totally at the same level as a national disaster with a death toll still rising.
“Almost everything you post on this blog is so terrible and depressing!”
Yes, I know. It’s a message I often receive on here. So, in order to combat the overwhelming sadness you all feel today from not winning the lottery or the news that Yahoo is probably buying Tumblr for $1.1 Billion (around double that of the $590+ million Powerball jackpot ONE PERSON from Florida won last night), I have put this silly little post together.
Here are a few actual kind-hearted people who would like to give $1 million to each and every person in America but are unfortunately not all that good at math.
If this all looks familiar, that’s because others were saying the exact same thing last time there was a large Powerball jackpot.
Here’s to investing in our education system!
That’s right! Except you forgot Delaware in between those two! Rhode Island, Delaware and Minnesota, ALL WITHIN ONE MONTH, have passed bills bringing marriage equality to their state. We’re up 12 states now. 12!
And homophobes, seeing that they are losing, are getting louder and louder…
#Nice #use #of #hashtags, #buddy.
I like how even amongst his own followers / friends the faves outnumber the retweets.
SWEET! Added bonus, Minnesota! You get a mass purging of assholes from your state AND marriage equality. SCORE!
lmao. Yes, this dude is totally comfortable with his own sexuality. He also believes gay males are lining up around the block to touch his completely 100% straight, totally not gay body. #2Cool2BeGay.
Where are the completely original, well thought out “it’s Adam & Eve, not Adam & Steve” tweets, you ask? Right here, of course!
Nice profile pic, Carson.
lmao. Yes, gay people are God’s arch-nemesis and they hijacked the rainbow for their own dastardly deeds.
Good on you for believing in the bible, Sarah! So, shut your mouth, cover your hair, submit to your husband and stop wearing pants amongst many other things.
OK there, Buzz Lightyear.
How much “farther”? Hmm…
That’s right. Still a bit further to go. 38 states left with “normal marriage.” Old, boring, 50% end in totally-preserving-the-sanctity-of-marriage divorce, “normal marriage.”
In a piece for the New York Times, Angelina Jolie revealed she underwent a preventative double mastectomy. I’m not going to summarize it here because you should hear it coming from her. If you haven’t yet read it, you really should read it right now here.
Angelina Jolie shared a personal story in hopes of raising awareness on a number of issues, from the surgery itself to the affordability of the gene test…
…wait. what’s that coming just over those hills? Why, it’s the sexists and misogynists! Because you see WOMEN’S HEALTH is not about the WOMAN, people! It’s about the poor menz who are now ‘stuck’ with their (as in ownership of, don’t your forget it!) woman!
(Throw in a dash of racism with your misogyny? Hell, why not!)
Everyone couldn’t be the first to think of “poor Brad Pitt” like Josh above, but man did the tweets thinking of “poor Brad Pitt” keep coming…
“He lost *his* ‘tittays’.” Poor Brad Pitt lost something he apparently owned, Angelina Jolie’s breasts themselves! And, yes, people (i.e. virgins) mourned her boobs themselves as if Angelina Jolie was some sort of villain who had some diabolical reason behind doing this.
“I bet he wished he stayed with Jen now.” Oh, boy. You mean to tell me some losers used lower her risk for breast cancer as a way to attack Angelina Jolie over Jennifer Aniston?, you ask. No, I mean to tell you that MANY losers used lowering her risk for breast cancer as a way to attack Angelina Jolie over Jennifer Aniston. (And if you assumed there would be “karma” tweets, you assumed correctly!)
Here’s a slew of folks who think Angelina Jolie removed her breasts because she’s an “attention whore”! Because nothing says good publicity in Hollywood like already being a sex icon and then going ahead and having your breasts removed…
If none of the winners above quite did it for you, here’s a mish-mash of really smart people. Just replace “smart” with “dumb, thank you…
Yeah, Angelina. I can’t believe you didn’t even TAKE THE RISK OF CANCER just so Brad Pitt can enjoy your (which he owns, don’t forget) boobs while having sex. Because, don’t forget girls, you’re just sexual play toys for men and nothing more!
Too bad you got the story completely wrong. I call you a douchebag.
Yes, because without breasts, there are absolutely no good reasons whatsoever for a guy to stay with their significant other…
Yup. You hear that, ladies? Without your boobs / bewbz / tits / tittys / rack / fun bags / whatever other dumb terms these fine people use for a woman’s breasts…you are apparently pointless.
Except, you’re not. Screw these haters who’ve probably never seen a bare breast in their life. And good for you, Angelina. It’s your life and your body, no one else’s.
Today is Mother’s Day! What did you do today for your mother today? Surprise your mom with flowers? Take your mama out for brunch? Or perhaps you used the day to…spread a bunch of hate on the internet?
There was a whole lotta’ that going on today. And I can tell you, no, it is not an awkward day for children whose parents are of the same sex.
But, unlike most, this fella’ just went on and on and on and on. For example:
Poor schmuck doesn’t even realize his crazy ass rationalizing of things doesn’t even make the tiniest of sense. “Kids” is already a gender neutral word!
No, it won’t.
No, it doesn’t.
No, they do have mothers and they don’t need your bullshit “prayers.”
Anyway, homophobic gay marriage haters weren’t the only one’s polluting the internet on Mother’s Day.
Conservatives thought it was the perfect day to…
make fun of President Obama’s deceased mother.
As @quickliftzwick on Twitter points out: as you can see, all those other Presidents’ mothers were born old. They totally didn’t do anything back in their youth, only Obama’s mom!
Anyway, fuck these people.
Happy Mother’s Day!
So I recently came across this website, Elite Daily. It calls itself “The Voice of Generation-Y.”
The link I stumbled on was to an article titled “The 10 Things Women Need to Realize in 2013.” OK. Let’s check this out…
OH, BOY. What the fuck is this? The first photo attached to the article should have tipped me off, but I was too focused on the name of the author…
That’s right. EDDIE CUFFIN. A dude is about to lecture women on what they should “realize” in 2013. But, not just any dude. It’s says right there in his bio: “THE MOST INTERESTING MAN IN THE OFFICE.”
Let’s take a look at a few of these “things”…
“Ladies, realize that in 2013, you are not cute.”
“Back to to the kitchen women and make me a sandwich.”
Well, shit. Thank you GUY for explaining this stuff to women! I mean, one of the points in this article was about getting men to “eat out your ‘box.’” And all that along with the objectifying pics? What would a girl living in the 1950s…err…2013 do without this article?!
But, don’t worry! Eddie Cuffin has got more for all of you seeking his advice. Gems such as…
“The 21 Signs She’s Expired.”
That’s right, girls. If you are over the age of 19 and 1/2, hang up the boots and please deposit yourself in the closest trash bin.
Misogynistic, transphobic AND he hates Mila Kunis! Eddie Cuffin is a catch!
What a gentleman.
But, don’t worry! Eddie Cuffin won’t leave you hanging now that you know your girlfriend is “expired” like the cold cuts sitting in the back of your fridge…
Eddie Cuffin’s gonna let you know how to cheat on her with “15 Steps to Successfully Cheat on Your Girlfriend!” Eddie says women are like chicken (expired chicken?) and stale bread! The man who wants to empower women in 2013 with cooking lessons and orgasms would also like them to know that their value depreciates over time (because women are nothing but a commodity, duh!). GIRLS, “you’re getting older and not getting any tighter” and by not stopping time you “compel” men to cheat! IT’S YOUR FAULT, LADIES…
“15 Easy Steps to Managing Your Mistress.” Fellas! Your pal Eddie’s got you covered here too! Because it’s 2013 (Eddie’s got a real infatuation for 2013) and as it says right there above…It’s that time in your life, and not just yours, everyman’s life where he ”GROW A SACK AND GET A MISTRESS.”
“Women lie a lot.” You hear that men? Women are EVIL LIARS. Why can’t they just be truthful while you lie and cheat on them?! GIRLS ARE THE WORST.
But, what if you fell for the evil voodoo women and she went ahead on her very own and decided to get pregnant (THE NERVE)? Don’t worry, Eddie Cuffin’s got you covered here too!
“Many poor men.” If only they had Eddie Cuffin’s brilliant mind and knew the “20 East Steps to Raising a Whore” so they could do the exact opposite!
Letting her get involved in fun activities like cheerleading and gymnastics! Only WHORES play sports!
Telling her she can’t date a black man! Because we all know women will go out and do the exact opposite! AND ONLY WHORES DATE BLACK MEN. (Eddie Cuffin: misogynistic, transphobic, and now racist too!)
Put her on birth control at 13! Because we all know girls don’t have sex UNLESS they are on birth control. No birth control, no sex, and there’s like no teen moms in 2013…the Voice of Generation-Y, people!
In case these listicles full of amazing advice weren’t enough for ya, Eddie’s got a Twitter account too! 140 characters of pure wisdom!
Eddie Cuffin of Elite Daily, folks! The Voice of Generation Y (Don’t Girls Like Me, I Am So Alone).
Tim Lambesis of Christian metal band As I Lay Dying was arrested Tuesday night in a murder-for-hire plot. Apparently, he did the nice Christian thing and tried to hire a hitman to MURDER his wife, who was filing for divorce. More like As I Lazily Lay on the Couch While Someone Else Does My Dirty Work, I guess?
Anyway, what do you do when you hear about the lead singer of this band you like attempted to KILL his ex? Well, YOU BLAME HER BECAUSE SHE’S MOST LIKELY A BITCH WHO PROBABLY DESERVED TO DIE, OF COURSE!
Lots of very opinionated people out there saying “WAIT ‘TIL WE HEAR MORE BEFORE WE BLAME POOR TIM” and then proceeding to jump straight to the conclusion that his wife was somehow a terrible person deserving of death!
“Props dude for having the balls to hire someone else to kill your wife!”
And as usual, when it comes to ANYTHING being discussed on the internet involving a woman…
BLAME THE FEMINISTS.
OH, NO. What horrible, tragic event happened in Delaware today?!
A school shooting?!
…two consenting adults being able to fall in love and get married?
Judging by the haters, looks like Delaware has become the 11th state to approve same-sex marriage! WOOO!
YOU HEAR THAT? ELEVEN. 11 STATES NOW.
So, go home, sucka’. 11 STATES. You can’t put a damper on this party!
Hopefully the world is coming to a place where people know the difference between “allowed” and “aloud.”
Yeah, dude! A SICK, WICKED AWESOME, TOTALLY RAD world!
I just explained above dude! Let me repeat: the world is coming to be SICK, WICKED AWESOME, and TOTALLY RAD.
I FUCKING LOVE TOAST!
Oh yeah! Rhode Island just did too! Thanks for the reminder!
Yeah, all these people are big assholes. BUT, no one touches Ben…
Ben, you really are Dewhirst.
Happy Cinco de Mayo! It’s the one day a year where most Americans, who usually complain about Mexicans and tell all the “illegals” to go home, pretend they are not racist! Why? So they could “celebrate” by getting drunk, of course!
However, here are a few party-poopers who can’t even NOT be racist for just this ONE DAY:
lmao. WHAT? Did you know today is NOT Mexican Independence day but a day which celebrates one battle where they defeated France? In fact, did you also know that today is actually a relatively minor holiday in Mexico? Cinco de Mayo is actually really just a day celebrated in the United States. So, quite literally, America is pretty much the ONLY damn place that cares about it.
I guess we should just bring up all the white people, who make up the majority of welfare recipients, on July 4th? USA! USA! USA!